'Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' Theory Suggests All Nintendo Characters Are Vampires

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's newest character has a move that only works if all of his opponents are vampires, which has some very disturbing implications for the popular fighting game.

Yesterday, Nintendo revealed that Simon Belmont was joining the cast of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate in a trailer that had many wondering whether Nintendo had killed Luigi off. While Nintendo confirmed that Luigi was "okay," one of Belmont's attacks seems to suggest that every character in the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate game are actually vampires.

One of Belmont's signature attacks is tossing bottles of holy water at opponents. These bottles serve as short range grenades, causing players to get trapped in a small burst of fire when the bottle hits an enemy.

Holy water is a popular sub-weapon in Castlevania and has been used by the Belmont family to injure the various types of monsters and spirits that lurk inside Dracula's castle. There are countless works of fiction that show a priest or vampire hunter using holy water to ward off evil spirits and creatures. Vampires are particularly vulnerable to holy water, as it burns them as acid would to a normal human being.

But - if Simon Belmont is tossing around holy water in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, what does that mean about all the other characters on the roster? Well, some (like Bowser, Ridley, or Pikachu) can be classified as monsters and could hypothetically be affected by holy water. But for a humanoid character to suffer from the effects of holy water only means one thing....they're probably vampires.

Let's face it - it makes a ton of sense for characters like Mario, Peach, or Link to be vampires. They're ageless characters with supernatural agility and stamina and seem to love lurking inside of castles. Being a vampire would explain how Mario has survived countless go-kart crashes and shrugs off getting set on fire on a regular basis. We've even seen Mario use the vampire's hypnotic ability to charm people in Super Mario Odyssey, as he can control lesser creatures to do his bidding.

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We expect Nintendo to release a Tweet shortly that says something along the lines of "No, Mario isn't a vampire." However, it doesn't take very much to connect the dots and discover the truth. It's just one more reason to play as Simon Belmont in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - he's doing the Lord's work ridding the world of the countless monsters and vampires haunting the Nintendo universe.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate comes out on December 8th.