An organization calling themselves "Gamers United" has posted a petition on change.org, asking Ubisoft to heavily alter, or else cancel, Far Cry 5. The reason? They hate that the game makes a villain out of religious white people. "Far Cry 5 is an insult to your fanbase," the petition reads, "the Americans who make up the majority of your customers, and it’s time you woke up to that fact. Change this, or cancel it."
The entire petition, which at this point boasts almost 500 signatures, seems almost too stereotypically "far-right conservative" to be real. We're thinking it may be a work of brilliant satire, especially because of lines like this one: "Us Gamers have had to endure a lot of crap over the last few years. The targeted harassment by the mainstream press through Gamergate, the terrible launch and outright lies of highly anticpated video games, the outright censorship of art through 'localization' policies, the continued rejection of romantic partners when they find out our hobby..."
You're kidding me, right? This has to be a joke. If this isn't a work of art intentionally crafted to provoke conversation, then we're not even sure what to think. If you can believe it, the peition gets even more absurd and even more shocking. Below we've listed a few of their more outrageous demands.
The petition goes on to make some suggestions for Ubisoft's consideration as to how it might change Far Cry 5 to be less offensive, and these suggestions are where things get gross and, well, not so funny. The first two suggestions indicate a strong desire for dark or brown villains:
"Change the villains. It’s not so hard, really. Just change the villains to something more realistic. Islam is on the rise in America, as is the violence of inner city gangs. Are you scared to do so? In the words of Boltair – 'To learn who rules you, simply find out who’s not being criticized.'" (Did they mean Voltaire?)
"Alter the villains. Even if you insist on making the villains American Christians, consider mixing the races a bit to not target white people exclusively. There are plenty of nationalists of every stripe and every race and creed. So throw in some blacks and Mexicans. There’s no reason a protectonist nationalist movement would all be one race? Why stop being Politicaly correct here?"
No Big Deal, Just Change the Plot and Setting
If this isn't satire, and 'Gamers United' is genuine in its appeal to Ubisoft, they obviously have no idea how involved and laborious even very small changes to a game can be, let alone plot and setting changes for individual regions:
"Alter the plot. It’s obvious that you continue to insist on using these characters. However with a few artistic tweaks you can save the concept entirely. Have the villains simply be misguided patriots forced into making their own nation vs. the will of an oppressive over-government, construed of all the people they turn their wrath against in their immediate surroundings. Their brutal physical and sexual violence towards their oppressors will then be explained as a reaction to harsh government policies and taxation, to show that both sides are wrong."
"Change the setting, but only for certain markets. Look, I get that anti-Americanism plays in France, and I’m not telling you to give up on potential profits due to complaints. Wouldn’t want to be thought as one of those hypocrite feminists, right? But for America, right now, Anti-Americanism is out. You gotta play your market. Change the setting to Canada for America. This way you don’t turn away potential players due to offensiveness. Just trying to help you make more money."
The Internet's Reaction Has Been Priceless
Of course this petition got spread 'round like wildfire, and the internet has reacted predictably. It sounds like these guys are doing a pretty good job of selling Far Cry 5.
I have no idea if this incredible petition is real or not... But it's certainly getting me more hyped for the game. https://t.co/Bnc9azMm58— Stephen Paton ❄️ (@stephenpaton134) May 30, 2017
"I have no idea if this incredible petition is real or not... But it's certainly getting me more hyped for the game.
"Boltair" hahahahaha https://t.co/BPIdFHHTbE— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) May 30, 2017
Looks like someone else noticed that spelling error. Someone tell us this is just an awful, awful joke.
I legit can't tell if this person is trolling or serious lol https://t.co/rNzysmnBij— Gav (@miracleofsound) May 30, 2017
"I legit can't tell if this person is trolling or serious lol." We can't tell, either. In fact, we have a running bet going in the office, and we want you guys to settle this. We have a poll below, and we want you to weigh in. Is this petition real, or is someone playing a huge joke on all of us?