We’ve seen our fair share of great Star Wars video games over the past few years, but we’ve also seen some that haven’t been so great. For instance, what the heck happened in Masters of Teras Kasi anyway?
And it’s because of these games that we’ve seen some truly weird moments pop up, leaving us questioning just what happened with them – or more importantly, why Star Wars fans would want to take them on in the first place.
So join us as we take a trip back in time and dare to ask the question – um, hey, guys, what the fark?
Star Wars (Famicom, 1987)
The original Star Wars game from Namco came out for the Famicom in 1987. It never came out in the U.S., and there’s a pretty good reason why – it’s just bland. It’s a side scroller and it does a decent job with the movie’s theme, but that’s really about it, as the gameplay is very one-note. Plus, take a good look at Luke Skywalker. He’s not even blonde here. He’s dark-haired. And he has access to the lightsaber right away, which has a pretty useless range.
Granted, we did get a Star Wars game for the NES years later, but it was actually pretty average, too. Thankfully, things got better when Super Star Wars rolled around. Whew.
Star Wars Arcade (Sega 32X, 1994)
Okay, to be fair, Star Wars Arcade is actually a pretty good game for the 32X. It’s showing its age, sure, and Star Wars Trilogy Arcade it isn’t, but it’s still a fun space shooter that lives up to the theme of the game.
But go to about the 2:00 mark in the video and you’ll see one of our biggest problems with the game. Admiral Ackbar (the “it’s a trap” alien) is in it, but his voice, well, just isn’t the same. Instead of sounding bad-ass, he comes across more like he has a head cold. “Wipe out enemy fightahs!” Someone bring the old voice back.
Star Wars: Super Bombad Racing (PlayStation 2, 2001)
We’re not sure what LucasArts was thinking when it made Super Bombad Racing. “Hey, Jar Jar is cute, let’s make a racing game revolving around him.” “Well, we don’t really need that because we have Star Wars Racer Revenge, sir.” “Damn it, I said I want a cute Mario Kart wannabe with cuddly versions of Jar Jar and Yoda.” “But they’re not even in the same universe.” “Now.” “Fine. But years later, gamers are gonna look back and laugh at how absurd it is.”
And here we are. I mean, it’s not a terrible game, it just truly defines weird.
Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi (PlayStation, 1997)
The idea of a Star Wars fighting game doesn’t sound too bad, and we’ve actually seen that Bandai Namco could do such a thing, incorporating both Darth Vader and Yoda effectively into Soul Calibur IV, alongside the Apprentice from The Force Unleashed. But before then, LucasArts gave the formula a try with Masters of Teras Kasi for PlayStation, and while its heart was in the right place, the gameplay simply didn’t work.
Sure, the game looked all right, but it was frustrating trying to figure out the fighting tactics. Plus, it sounds like balance was completely off with some matches. You’re telling us that a Gamorrean Guard stands any sort of chance against Darth Vader? Or, for that matter, Princess Leia in a slave costume taking down her regularly clothed counterpart? And poor, poor Boba Fett. He deserved better.
Kinect Star Wars (2012, Xbox 360)
Finally, if we’re going to talk strange, “what the hell is going on” Star Wars moments in video games, we have to bring up this mishmash of motion-based mini-games. Some are fun, like the pod racing and even rampaging through a city as a Rancor, but then we get to that game. Yep, the dancing mini-game.
In it, you take on a number of songs that are based on pop hits. For instance, “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani became “Hologram Girl” (groan) and “I’m Not Solo” turned into “I’m Han Solo” (bigger groan). And it just gets worse from there, especially as Darth Vader gets into the mix and “YMCA” becomes “Empire Today.” (Just watch the video above.)
And let’s never have a dance move called the Trash Compactor. Like ever.