South Park: 5 Things That Still Make No Sense About Cartman

There are very few South Park characters who can claim to be as instrumental to the show’s success as Eric Cartman. The foul-mouthed, petulant, and often downright evil Cartman has been a key part of the show since the very beginning, and forms a part of South Park‘s core group of characters alongside his classmates and friends. Cartman’s exploits are almost always the show’s most outrageous and hilarious, and have often resulted in some of the best South Park episodes in the show’s history. As such a crucial character, Cartman’s story is one of the most fleshed-out in the entire show.

Even with all that exposition regarding Cartman’s backstory and personality, not every aspect of the character makes sense. Some of the best Cartman episodes of South Park introduce new ideas to the character’s story, but this occasionally results in confusing plot holes or nonsensical elements. Cartman might be one of South Park‘s most important characters, but the show hasn’t exactly made sure that everything about him is narratively airtight.

5) His Phobia of Needles Vanishes Without A Trace

“Shots!!!”, the 300th episode of South Park, established that Cartman never received any of his vaccinations because he has an extreme phobia of needles. Naturally, the episode plays the whole scenario for comedic effect, lampooning the conspiracy theory linking vaccinations to autism. However, it also cements a part of Cartman’s story, establishing that his fear of needles has plagued him throughout his life. Unfortunately, this contradicts several previous incidents and gags in which Cartman is seen using or otherwise being unaffected by needles.

In the years leading up to season 23’s “Shots!!!”, several South Park episodes showed Cartman using needles for various purposes. The most notable instance came in season 11, episode 3, “Lice Capades”, where Cartman is seen drawing blood in a parody of The Thing to prove that he doesn’t have head lice. It’s only a minor inconsistency, but it’s one that turns into a pretty bizarre plot hole considering the supposedly debilitating nature of Cartman’s phobia.

4) How He Manages To Keep His Friends

Ever since season 1 of South Park, the core of the show has always been the friendship between Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, with later seasons also introducing other characters into the group. For all of the boys’ escapades and misadventures, the friendship between the foursome always remains largely intact. Over nearly 30 years, Cartman has been briefly excluded from the group on several occasions, but he always manages to make amends and reinsert himself into the lives of his friends.

When you really consider some of the things Cartman has done over the years, this stops making any sense. Yes, South Park‘s main four characters and their friendship are key parts of the show, but in any legitimate sense, the fact that Cartman can keep his friends around at all doesn’t add up. Someone as manipulative, bigoted, and unpleasant as Cartman would simply not be able to keep a friendship alive with his consistently horrific actions and opinions. In fairness, we’re glad for this one, because it has led to countless moments of exceptional comedy, but it still doesn’t make sense.

3) His Physical Capabilities Are Wildly Inconsistent

Over the course of the show, many elements of Cartman’s character have evolved and been rewritten in order to better fit South Park‘s narrative. Perhaps the biggest characteristic of Cartman that has always remained entirely intact is the fact that he is obese, with his love of food and lack of parental boundaries being key factors in his ongoing body weight issues. However, the way that South Park uses this to affect the character’s physical capabilities varies wildly from episode to episode.

For example, at times, Cartman is shown being barely able to move, and regular jokes are made at his expense regarding his general lack of strength, stamina, and agility compared to other kids in South Park. There are other times, however, where Cartman is shown being able to run at good speeds for extended periods, lift surprisingly heavy items or equipment, and generally being pretty physically able. Being overweight itself doesn’t necessarily stop a person from being fit or strong, but the show’s lack of consistency regarding Cartman’s capabilities doesn’t make a lot of sense.

2) He Should 100% Be Behind Bars

Cartman’s South Park story has seen him go from a generally unpleasant boy to a genuinely evil figure who has no issue with manipulating and deceiving everyone around him. This has been a key part of what makes Cartman one of the show’s funniest characters, and has led to many great episodes of South Park. When you work through each season of the show and unpick the many unpleasant and illegal deeds Cartman has committed, it becomes all too clear that he should have been locked away a long time ago.

Of course, South Park has seen Cartman go to jail several times throughout its run, but he’s never incarcerated for long. This is good for the show, because losing one of its funniest characters for something as insignificant as realism would be a travesty, but in real-world terms, there’s no way Cartman should be walking free. He is one of the most evil human beings in existence, and the times when he’s killed, injured, defrauded, and forced someone into unwittingly cannibalizing their own parents’ remains mean that any court in the world would lock him away for good.

1) He’s Only Smart When He’s Being Evil

While South Park has many tragic characters, it only has one who seems completely evil. Cartman is written to be irredeemably awful, and his diabolical schemes are often as hilarious as they are over-the-top. When it comes to villainy, Cartman is an actual evil genius, as some of his schemes are so terrible and perfect that they could only have been conceived by a truly twisted yet exceptional mind. When it comes to evil, Cartman is incredibly gifted, showing an incredible aptitude for manipulation.

Strangely, this intelligence doesn’t seem to extend to any other part of Cartman’s life. He’s often shown to be struggling academically and often fails to grasp simple concepts. This is especially nonsensical considering the intelligence required to have plotted and carried out some of his most heinous schemes, as surely there would be at least some transferable skills. It’s just another element of Cartman’s character that doesn’t make sense, even if it is perfect for South Park‘s comedic tone.

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