Last week, the k-pop fandom said goodbye to one of its biggest stars. Kim Jonghyun was laid to rest after passing away from an apparent suicide attempt. The tragedy has left fans stunned, and close friends of Jonghyun have started to release their own statements about about the singer’s passing. Now, Leeteuk of Super Junior is speaking out, and the idol shared a deeply personal message with fans.
Over on Instagram, Leeteuk posted a lengthy message for fans on Christmas honoring Jonghyun. The idol, who is the leader of Super Junior, said he felt sorry he was unable to hold onto Jonghyun when the SHINee singer was hurting. Leeteuk also opened up about his own struggles with depression and urged fans to celebrate the holidays even if they feel weighed down.
You can read a full translation of Leeteuk’s message below:
“No one can say they know you well and no one can say they shared everything with you because they were close to you. One person’s loneliness, anger, and sadness… I think I have to think a lot for a while about how you made this final choice with no path of expression and what you are saying to the people who remain.
My heart is cold, feeling sorry that I couldn’t pull your hands strongly when you reached out asking us to hold your hand; to say it’s a weight you need to withstand as you’re an entertainer, it was a weight that was too big even for me. To give up one thing, you have already walked many paths and your appearance of not being able to do this or that makes my heart hurt even more.
You came to find me in my dreams the night before we sent you off. You smile brightly and said “Hyung needs to be happier (than me)” and this image is still vivid in my eyes.
There are hardships, pains, and agony for everyone, but its size cannot be compared. The feelings you have regarding your own situation can be the most draining and difficult thing. I’ve also experience severe depression and at the thought that it would be easier to die than to live and breath. Each and every day was difficult. In the military, people thought I was doing it for show, those gazes made it even more difficult, and like that, I endured a difficult and draining time and experienced a situation like this for almost one year.
Having experienced this, if I had these feelings, it could have been a bit better. Since it’s Christmas, I feel the term ‘Christmas Miracle’ even deeper. Going forward, I feel that it’s important for us to live even happier. I wish everyone will always spend a special Christmas-like day each and every day.”