It’s a new world. Or a New World Order, depending how you want to look at it. A WWE Hall Of Famer is now the President-elect, and yesterday that man, Donald Trump, nominated pro wrestling magnate and former Senate candidate Linda McMahon to head the Small Business Administration.
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But maybe Trump shouldn’t stop there. Why not fill out the entire cabinet with WWE stars?
So, with that thought in mind, here are our carefully considered and well thought out nominations …
Secretary Of Homeland Security
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
This was a tough choice. So many great WWE stars have fought to protect the red, white and blue. Hulk Hogan was in the running, but he’s still got a bit of a scandal hanging over his head. Sgt. Slaughter was an obvious choice, but he was an Iraqi sympathizer during a pretty crucial time in our country’s history.
Hacksaw did defect for a small time to Canada, but that was in the WCW, when literally no one was watching.
I’ll trust the man that carries the flag and the 2×4 to protect my country any day. ย
Surgeon General
Isaac Yankem, DDS
Aย Surgeon General’s warningย people would finally listen to. Maybe he wasn’t the best medic in the world, but the former dentist of the WWE has plenty of other skills. Need someoneย to fax in an important lunch order, boom, he turns into Corporate Kane. Needย someone to instantly set something on fire, boom, he turns into Demon Kane.ย
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Secretary Of The Treasury
The Million $ Man Ted Dibiase
The Secretary of the Treasury’s job is to be the President’s primary financial advisor and who knows more about money than the Million $ Man? Sure, his advice would likely always be, “everyone’s got a price”, but he’s not completely wrong.ย
Secretary Of Transportation
Spark Plug Bob Hollyย
There clearly weren’t enough automotive gimmicks in the WWE, so you’re stuck with this one. I’m sorry.ย
Director Of National Intelligence
The Genius
Besides wearing a cap and gown, Lanny Poffo was really more of a poet than a genius. Regardless, his exemplary grammar skills are sorely needed in a world that’s turned it’s back on punctuation and proper diction. Maybe he could even proofread the new President’s tweets.ย
Secretary Of Energy
Adam Bomb
The man was literally MADE OF ENERGY! Wearing luminous green contact lenses, Bomb’s gimmick was that of a survivor of the infamous Three Mile Island nuclear meltdown accident, which was further emphasized by his ring name being a pun on the “atom bomb.”
Commissioner of Internal Revenue
Irwin R. Scheyster
Obviously, I.R.S. has to run the I.R.S. No brainer.ย
Secretary Of Agriculture
The Nature Boy Ric Flair
Does “The Nature Boy” know anyting about agriculture? Probably not. But you’re going to want him in your cabinet anyways. Limo rides, private jets, wheelin and dealin – Flair can help in many areas. Every cabinet meeting will be vastly improved with Naitch in the room.ย
All in favor, say WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
