How Being a Father Taught Me That Spider-Man Shouldn’t Be One

In the 90s, Marvel was making big changes to Spider-Man. The character had just married Mary Jane Watson, and suddenly, it appeared he was going to be a father. In 1995’s Spectacular Spider-Man #220, Mary Jane dropped the bombshell on her husband, and it felt like Spider-Man comics would never be the same. Of course, as most Spider-Man fans know, that story was never meant to be; at the conclusion of 1996’s Peter Parker: Spider-Man #75, it was implied that MJ had a miscarriage. In the following years, references to the pregnancy were gradually scrubbed from the books outside of Spider-Girl, a spin-off comic set in an alternate future. 30 years later, fans still talk about that story, and how they wish we could see Peter and MJ form a family of their own. However, it’s not meant to be, and I think that’s honestly for the best.

I was 10-years-old when Mary Jane revealed to Peter that she was pregnant. At that age, the idea of the two characters having a kid seemed like a natural transition. Unlike so many other readers, I wasn’t introduced to teenage Peter Parker; there were no movies yet, and even the Fox animated series depicted Peter as a college student. All the earliest Spider-Man comics I read featured him as a married guy in his twenties. Peter and Mary Jane having a kid didn’t seem weird to me, because that was just something that just happened with married couples. However, as I’ve gotten older and become a father myself, it’s become evident to me that Peter Parker cannot be a father without majorly compromising the character and his fundamental code: that with great power there must also come great responsibility. 

Once you’ve read enough Spider-Man comics, you quickly realize that a hallmark of the character is that he often is forced to abandon his own needs for the greater good. Is Peter Parker going to a disco with Harry, MJ, and Gwen? Count on pumpkin bombs flying. Is he supposed to go for coffee with Randy, or volunteer at FEAST with Aunt May? If Peter is going to sit and enjoy a hot dog by himself for more than 3 seconds, it’s going to be interrupted. As a result, his friendships suffer, his loved ones find him irresponsible, and his dating life is a mess. As readers, we’ve become accustomed to watching Peter sacrifice his own happiness to help others. In fact, it’s the reason that we love him. However, those exact same sacrifices become more selfish than selfless if Peter were to become a family man. 

As any parent will tell you, raising a child is one of the greatest responsibilities one can take on. Once you’ve brought a life into this world, you are directly responsible for helping to guide them and protect them. Sometimes Spider-Man’s responsibilities are on a world-saving scale, like when he was enlisted to help get the Infinity Gauntlet away from Thanos. However, all too often, Peter is a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Most of the time, he’s stopping petty crimes, and he’s doing so in a city densely populated with superheroes. Once Peter is a parent, how can he justify missing a pediatrician appointment if his daughter is sick? Is stopping Rhino from robbing an insured bank more important than attending his son’s school play? The world-saving events would still have to take precedence, but the smaller fights that make up most of Spider-Man’s adventures would no longer make sense.

It’s one thing for Peter to sacrifice his social life to stop a super villain; missing a friend night with Randy Robertson or a date with Carlie Cooper isn’t the end of the world. But the second Peter starts neglecting his kids, it changes the fabric of the character. It makes Peter look like a bad person. He’s suddenly ignoring a much greater responsibility. If Peter is constantly abandoning his kids, what kind of impact would that have on them growing up? On top of that, it would have a massive impact on Mary Jane, who would be constantly left to make excuses to her children for why their dad isn’t around. The actual work of parenting would be largely left on her. While this is a reality for many emergency workers, those jobs typically help put food on the table, and even volunteers have required time off. Those people also don’t have to conceal what they do from their children, the way Peter would have to.

Despite these very real obstacles, there have been many Spider-Man comics that depict Peter as a parent. In addition to the aforementioned Spider-Girl, there’s the current Ultimate Spider-Man run, as well as Renew Your Vows. However, all 3 books make major compromises for their stories to work. In the case of both Spider-Girl and Ultimate Spider-Man, the books gloss over some of the hardest years of parenting. When Spider-Girl begins, Peter has been retired for well over a decade, and his daughter is in her mid-teens. In Ultimate Spider-Man, Peter hasn’t even put on the webs before his kids are older (and we still don’t know how that story will play out). Renew Your Vows does start with a younger child for Peter, but it makes a major compromise of its own, making Mary Jane an equal hero to Spider-Man. And MJ being on Peter’s level is important, because otherwise, you have to tell a story in which Peter is constantly ditching her with parenting duties. 

Of course, all of this also ignores the absolute danger that Peter’s double life would immediately place on children. Gwen Stacy was targeted and killed by the Green Goblin strictly because of what she meant to Peter. Any children of Peter’s would immediately find themselves in the crosshairs of ruthless men like Kingpin, or Tombstone; the latter very nearly killed his own daughter during the recent Gang War crossover, and would likely have no compunctions with targeting the children of Peter himself. That’s not even addressing the possibility of Peter dying in battle and leaving his children permanently without a father, and without any of the same benefits afforded to service members or police officers.

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Spider-Man is a character that means a lot to a lot of people. More than 60 years after the publication of Amazing Fantasy #15, his personal code remains utterly timeless. Those with great power have a duty to use it responsibly. But as we get older, the ideas of power and responsibility change with us. At one point, I tried very hard to be like Peter Parker, often sacrificing my own needs or wants to be there as often as I could for others. Once I had kids, I quickly learned that couldn’t be the case anymore. The sacrifices that used to only have an effect on me suddenly would have an impact on my wife and kids. If Marvel wants to keep Peter Parker as Spider-Man, the only way to do it is for him to keep swinging solo.

Do you think Spider-Man can ever be a parent? Do you think Peter would have to retire if he had a child? Share your thoughts with me directly on Bluesky at @Marcdachamp, or on Instagram at @Dachampgaming!