John Carpenter has directed 18 films throughout his career. Two of them have been masterpieces: Halloween and The Thing. And, while not quite masterpieces, quite a few of them have been phenomenal additions to either the horror or action genre, e.g. Assault on Precinct 13, Escape from New York, The Fog, Christine, Big Trouble in Little China, and They Live. The same goes for Starman, a unique sci-fi romantic drama. Then there are those that somewhat miss the mark, but still hold a ton of charm nonetheless, such as Vampires, In the Mouth of Madness, Village of the Damned, Prince of Darkness, even Ghosts of Mars.
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What binds most of these movies, regardless of which aforementioned category they fall under, is that they come equipped with some dialogue that is either genuinely great or unintentionally silly and memorable (for the latter, we’re looking at you, Ghosts of Mars). But what are the best lines of dialogue from his filmography? Let’s find out.
10) “A Reality Is Just What We Tell Each Other It Is.” from In the Mouth of Madness
A flawed John Carpenter movie that nonetheless doesn’t get enough love, In the Mouth of Madness is an ambitious love letter to H. P. Lovecraft that enjoys tampering with the audience’s perception of what is real and what is fiction. And, about midway through the film, Julie Carmen’s Linda Styles addresses this point directly while speaking with Sam Neill’s John Trent.
Giving him an unblinking stare as they both sit in the car, headed towards what ends up being the fictional town of Hobb’s End, she says “A reality is just what we tell each other it is. Sane and insane could easily switch places, if the insane were to become the majority. You would find yourself locked in a padded cell wondering what happened in the world.” This ends up being a good bit of foreshadowing of the exact place Trent will find himself at the end of the movie.
Stream In the Mouth of Madness on The Criterion Channel.
9) “Okay…Show Me.” from Christine
Christine is an ’80s horror movie that could use a remake (and rumors of one have been swirling for some time now), but it’s hard to imagine anyone who could play Arnie Cunningham as well as Keith Gordon. He’s perfect as every phase of the character: the bullied nerd, the obsessive, and the vicious and vengeful soulless pawn of an evil spirit.
“Okay…show me” occurs when he’s in the obsessive stage en route to being the pawn. He looks at his beloved car as she sits in Will Darnell’s garage. Arnie bullies have just torn her to shreds and, as if he’s just heard her say “Look what I can do” he utters this line with a combination of absence and razor-sharp focus and watches as his car magically rejuvenates herself.
Stream Christine on HBO Max.
8) “I’d Rather Not Spend the Rest of This Winter Tied to This F***ing Couch!” from The Thing
While it was quite unfortunately critically and commercially dismissed at the time of release, The Thing has sense been lauded and recognized as the classic it is. One thing that always received respect was the quality of practical effects on display, but one thing that wasn’t appreciated at the time was the diversity of the characters. Back then, they were viewed as cookie cutter. But they’re not. They come across as unique individuals.
For instance, Donald Moffat’s Garry, who finds himself a suspect after a bag of blood is destroyed. Ever since that point he grows more and more noticeably tense, culminating this line, which he begins speaking calmly before belting out in a scream: “I know your gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I’d rather not spend the rest of this winter tied to this f***ing couch!” To be fair to Garry, he had just seen Palmer’s head split in half only for the two sides of the head to act like a mouth and gobble up poor Windows.
Stream The Thing on Peacock.
7) “Look for the fog.” from The Fog
One of the more atmospheric horror films of the 1980s, The Fog benefits from simple, glowing mist visuals and a small coastal town setting. And, speaking to all the residents of that small coastal town, Antonio Bay, is Adrienne Barbeau’s radio DJ Stevie Wayne.
As the centennial celebration of the town comes closer, the leper ghosts who were messed over way back when have returned to exact their vengeance, and Wayne is there on the radio to try and save as many people as she can. Thanks to Barbeau’s emphatic line readings, Wayne’s panic is convincingly sold to the audience. But it’s her final, more somber voiceover that is the best chunk of dialogue in the film: “I don’t know what happened to Antonio Bay tonight. Something came out of the fog and tried to destroy us. In one moment, it vanished. But if this has been anything but a nightmare, and if we don’t wake up to find ourselves safe in our beds, it could come again. To the ships at sea who can hear my voice, look across the water, into the darkness. Look for the fog.”
Stream The Fog for free with ads on The Roku Channel.
6) “It’s All in the Reflexes” from Big Trouble in Little China
While Kurt Russell’s “Snake” Plissken is intentionally vague and quiet in Escape from New York, his Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China is boisterous, silly, and over-confident. He also refers to himself in the third person frequently, when the mood strikes him, always being sure to add an ‘ol before his name.
Usually, when he’s referring to himself, it’s to spout out some goofy life lesson that have brought him this far in life (as if that’s impressive). However, the best example of this tendency just has him reflect on his past as he’s talking to Dennis Dun’s Wang Chi: “Like I told my last wife, I says, ‘Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it’s all in the reflexes.’”
Stream Big Trouble in Little China on The Criterion Channel.
5) “It’s Halloween. Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare.” from Halloween
Halloween does a pitch perfect job of building tension, all the way from the beginning. And, when Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode starts to see Michael Myers looming in her general vicinity, she finds herself constantly distracted by spotting him.
This includes one time when she’s so focused on looking behind her, she doesn’t notice Charles Cyphers’ Sheriff Leigh Brackett, who is walking up to his home. She bumps into him, apologizes, and he replies with a smile and “It’s Halloween. Everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”
Stream Halloween on Shudder.
4) “Call Me Snake.” from Escape from New York
“Call me Snake” is the simplest line on this list, and that’s what makes it so great. S. D. Bob “Snake” Plissken doesn’t like people to know his real name, nor anything else about him, and that’s what makes him who he is.
We as the audience don’t need to know much about Snake. We get that he’s devoted to the completion of a mission, especially when it’s his life on the line. He doesn’t stop to help people because he doesn’t care about people. Any people. There’s just moving on to the next day with your pulse intact. Don’t get in the way of that and you should be fine.
Stream Escape from New York on Prime Video.
3) “If We’ve Got Any Surprises for Each Other, I Don’t Think We’re in Much Shape to Do Anything About It.” from The Thing
On one hand, there’s a direction to go with a sequel to The Thing. On the other hand, that direction might deflate the impact of what is truly a perfect ending.
The finale of The Thing leaves two people: Kurt Russell’s R.J. MacReady and Keith David’s Childs. We’ve watched MacReady take on the BlairThing, so we’re pretty sure he’s still human, but we’re not positive. We haven’t seen Childs for a while, so we’re not sure about him at all. That level of unawareness is applicable to the two men, as well. They’re just left to face each other and, even if one of them is a Thing, they’re both going to become popsicles.
2) “I’ve Come Here to Chew Bubblegum and Kick Ass…and I’m All Out of Bubblegum.” from They Live
Undoubtedly the best horror movie featuring a wrestler (there are actually quite a few), They Live also features what must be the most oft-quoted line from any Carpenter movie. Specifically, the cheeky “I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I’m all out of bubblegum” as he enters a bank to eliminate more of the aliens in human bodies.
Roddy Piper’s “Nada” gets a few great lines in the movie, all perfectly delivered by the late, great wrestler. Other examples include “You know, you look like your head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957” and “formaldehyde-face!”
Stream They Live on AMC+.
1) “It Was the Boogeyman.” from Halloween
What a fantastic way to end a movie. The final dialogue exchange of Halloween is iconic for good reason: it is perfectly succinct and perfectly direct.
Dr. Loomis has just shot his long-term patient six time, sending him falling backwards out of a second story window. Laurie Strode looks up to him and doesn’t ask but rather states “It was the boogeyman.” Dr. Loomis looks down to her and replies, “As a matter of fact, it was.” He then moves to look out the window and sees only the outline of Michael’s body on the lawn below. Cue Carpenter’s score.
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