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By: Nick Winstead on January 9, 2009
If you’re a busy hero web-slinging across town or a villain who has way too many bombs to place and set off, then finding a date can often take a backseat. Plus the whole dual-identity thing can really be a hard thing to ease into on just the third date. To help alleviate these potential hardships, consider the suggested list of mates, mostly real, some fictional, for various heroes and villains of the comic book universe.
Bruce Wayne and Paris Hilton: Ok, so maybe this one in name only is a bit of a stretch, but consider the beauty of it. Batman: dark avenger of the criminal element. Bruce Wayne: somewhat flippant party-goer with a penchant for casual relationships. What better cover than the ultimate party girl? Paris is quite at home with the rich and powerful, and they don’t come any richer in the DC Universe than Bruce. She loves going out at night and controversy, and his inability to keep those late night date commitments to her can only help to solidify the persona he wants some to believe about him. Who knows! It could work! Both better have a pre-nup however!
Tony Stark and Britney Spears: Going with the thread of cavalier billionaires, Tony Stark has had his fair share of flings, but with tons of personal past demons, scrutiny from the government with the registration act and now the failure of SHIELD, he needs someone who understands public scrutiny and public scorn. Who better than the formerly bald, umbrella-wielding Britney! While Ms. Spears has recently seemed poised to erase the nutty behavior of the past in favor of a new, more put-together image, Tony’s in a need of some seriously good PR. What better way to do that than to hitch his wagon to an on the mend star? Hopefully with the past behind her, Britney can show Tony the way to regain the public favor he had and lost so quickly. She knows better than anyone!
Ultimate Colossus and Lance Bass: Poor, shy Colossus. After struggling with his sexuality for a while in Ultimate X-Men, he finally accepted himself and even found a complicated relationship with Northstar. It’s still not a solid thing between the two, so former N’Syncer turned dancing star Lance Bass might fit the bill in the meantime. Like the steely X-Man, Lance also struggled with his sexuality, has an artistic side and could probably talk to Peter about hiding while living in a small town in a rural area! Colossus seems to have a thing for the pretty boy type, and that’s usually 93.5% of all boy band material, so Lance should be a shoe-in! These two young men could certainly help each other navigate the relationship waters, especially with their overall inexperience in openly dating other men.
Moonstone and Donald Trump: Manipulative, always in a feud, power-wielding and financially well-off. All of the aforementioned adjectives could describe both of this power couple. Moonstone uses her expertise in psychology to play mind-games and make power plays within the Thunderbolts. Donald Trump is known for making those same moves in the board room to gain the financial upper-hand. What makes them even more perfect for each other is the fact that at some point one would turn on the other. Let the sparks fly!! Trump needs more than a trophy wife, and Moonstone is certainly a formidable female; how often do we see her go toe to toe with Norman Osborne? Throw in the fact that Moonstone can make herself intangible and that Trump likes to think he’s untouchable and you have one sly, but strong, couple to watch out for!
Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) and Snake Eyes: When you grow up with the kind of father that Cassandra Cain had, you’re bound to have some issues with men. Who else then could be the perfect mate to complement the fluency in body language that the current Batgirl possesses? The task force known as G.I. Joe has known for years exactly what Snake Eyes wants and means through his mute communication, and Cassandra would most assuredly have no trouble getting him, and he her. Knowing that each of these characters is a highly trained and deadly master of various martial arts though could make for some interesting fights, to say the least! Both of these figures have mysterious pasts and are not really accustomed to dealing with strained interactions with the “modern world”. While Cassie’s literacy and speaking have gotten better, we have yet to see Snake Eyes emerge from the unspoken realm. Who knows, maybe this is the girl to do it!
Namor and Anne Coulter: For years Namor has seen himself as above (or below, rather) land-dwelling humans. Anne Coulter has, similarly, seen herself as the ruler of a fiefdom that houses the truest and purest of Americans. Could there be a better, or bitter, combo? In the Marvel universe, Namor’s preening and cockiness are matched by almost no one. He has little regard for humans and perhaps the only reason he sees fit to not destroy it is Susan Richards, his unrequited flame. He’d be the perfect match for Coulter, a woman who has little regard for most people, and well, it seems most things. Who could ruin more dates with the ability to really annoy the other with their strong opinions and pretentiousness? Although it may not last long, the potential for sparks and earth-shattering power struggles could be appealing!
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