Watchmen Movie Review: Hating The Watchmen

If you caught the beginning of my belated Watchmen movie review, yesterday, I outlined what I loved about the Watchmen film adaptation.Today, I will detail what I hated about it.Hang on to your hats…Malin Akerman’s Acting – Wow, just wow.It’s a good thing she looked hot in that latex costume, because that’s the only positive thing I’m taking from her performance.Her “You’re such an asshole!” line prior to shooting at Veidt should go in the Overacting Hall of Fame.And what about the crying scene on Mars?Dr. Manhattan tells us FIVE MINUTES PRIOR that Laurie is going to be crying.We get to the finish of the scene and guess what?NO TEARS!She does a horrific sniffling job, but that’s it.The worst part about the scene?They shoot it from underneath!So we’re looking at Laurie from the ground up, WHERE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SEE HER CRYING.Next time, yell CUT! and bring in the intern with a freaking saline bottle.Sheesh.Richard Nixon – Two major issues with Tricky Dick.One, why in the world did they cast someone 20 years younger (I’m guessing on the age) to play him?How do I know someone younger is playing him?The eyes!They’re too young.It’s a dead giveaway, and it immediately punts any sense of us believing this is Richard Nixon.It’s simply some actor behind a mask.Which leads to number two: Who the hell designed the mask for Nixon?Let’s leave the fact that he/she didn’t doctor the eyes of the actor alone.What about the skin and nose?Seriously, that face looked like Snyder went across town to a kindergarten class and asked some 5 year old to work up a Dick Nixon mask with some Play-Doh and a little gray paint.Just horrible.Matthew Goode/Adrian Veidt – WTF happened with this guy?Snyder and the casting director need a huge butt whuppin’ for this choice.Is it me, or did Adrian Veidt remind you of a serious Jack from “Will and Grace” or the NBC Page from “30 Rock?”I, for one, didn’t realize that Veidt was supposed to be gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).If he was in the graphic novel, so be it.But I never picked up on it.And if he wasn’t supposed to be, well, Matthew Goode just turned one of the industry’s biggest badasses into an effeminate, yet snooty man with a terrible accent.On top of that, the guy is THIN.He doesn’t look strong at all.Hell, the Veidt in the graphic novel could whip the movie version’s ass, and he’s a freaking piece of paper.Why would Snyder cast someone so lanky?Not once do I believe that he’s so strong he can throw a pretty hefty Dreiberg across a room multiple times.Also, here’s a tip for aspiring filmmakers and writers.If you have ONE person in a film with a foreign accent, THAT PERSON is the BAD GUY.Sheesh.The first scene Veidt was in, we knew (not only by his accent but his actions) that he was the guy behind everything.We weren’t sure why, but we knew he was the troublemaker.There was ZERO sense of suspense.From that point on, we were forced to focus on the other characters in the movie, hoping that they would deliver something of worth to us (luckily, they did) before we knew they’d meet up with Veidt at the end.I wish people that walked out of the theater opening weekend that had not read the graphic novel could have been polled.I bet an overwhelming majority of them could have told you Veidt was the bad guy.Just sad.The Ending – Why in the world would they change the ending?Was Snyder worried that the “Giant Squid” would have the same head scratching effect that the remake of “War of the Worlds” did (they’re dying of colds?)?Would people laugh at a giant squid?You know what?Who gives a crap if they did?There is one thing you don’t do with a classic, and that’s change the ending.Especially with Watchmen.Making Dr. Manhattan the bad guy changes EVERYTHING about the story.It’s US vs THEM.And now you’re telling me that the major weapon that we have on our side is the bad guy?WRONG.The ending crushes what could have been an A movie for me.I can get over bad acting, a Play-Doh nose, and a terrible heavy, but I can’t forgive the changing of the ending.