A famous poet once wrote “Love stinks,” and the sentiment couldn’t be any truer than in superhero comics. Although romance has always played a role in superhero stories, many comic book relationships are dysfunctional, and that’s putting it kindly.Honestly, given the way that some relationships have played out, it’s probably better than most superheroes are spending their Valentine’s Day sitting at home listening to sad songs and eating ice cream.
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In honor of the sappiest holiday of the year, here’s five of the worst couples in comics:
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Ant-Man and Wasp were Marvel’s original power couple, and probably the first relationship doomed from the very beginning. As Marvel introduced Hank Pym as a stereotypical “clueless” scientists, many early Avengers comics showed Janet Van Dyne flirting with other superheroes, desperately hoping that Ant-Man would stop looking at insects and start paying attention to her. When Pym had a mental breakdown and developed his “Yellowjacket” personality, Wasp took advantage of the situation and accepted Yellowjacket’s marriage proposal.
The marriage that started as a schizophrenic breakdown ended in disaster several years later when Pym struck Van Dyne during a second mental breakdown. According to Jim Shooter, who wrote the infamous story, Pym was only supposed to “accidentally” hit her, but artist Bob Hall misinterpreted the script. Regardless, Van Dyne divorced Pym and the Avengers tossed him out of the team. Although many later writers have tried rekindling Van Dyne and Pym’s relationship, there just seems too much baggage to overcome and the two always split up after a few issues.
Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor
What happens when the love of your life gets possessed by a cosmic entity, is corrupted by absolute power and commits suicide so she won’t destroy the galaxy? You marry a woman who looks identical to her, of course! Questioning his place with the X-Men and his role in life after losing Jean Grey to the Phoenix Force, Scott Summers visited his grandparents in Alaska and discovered that one of their employees looked exactly like his dead girlfriend. After making sure that Madelyne Pryor was NOT his dead girlfriend, Cyclops married her and eventually retired from the X-Men after learning she was pregnant.
For a couple years, Scott and Madelyne lived a happy life with their son, Nathan. Then, Scott’s dead girlfriend turned up alive and well in a cocoon at the bottom of the Hudson Bay. Scott immediately abandoned his family to reunite with his not dead girlfriend and then things got weird. The Marauders attacked Madelyne and kidnapped Nathan, and Madelyne ended up in Australia with the X-Men and hooked up with Cyclops’s brother, Havok. Then, Madelyne discovered she was actually a clone of Jean Grey, created by Mister Sinister specifically to fall in love and have a child with Cyclops. Upon discovering she was a clone, Madelyne did the sensible thing AND LED A DEMON INVASION OF NEW YORK CITY. Everything turned out fine, though. Madelyne committed suicide in an attempt to take Jean Grey out, Cyclops turned into a mutant revolutionary hated by the world, Jean Grey wound up dead…again, and Nathan contracted a technovirus that forced Cyclops to abandon his son in the distant future so he could grow up and become Cable.
Harley Quinn and the Joker
It takes a….special type of person to fall in love with the Joker. Dr. Harleen Quinzell was a psychiatrist working for Arkham Asylum assigned to analyze and diagnose the deadliest man in Gotham. Instead of treating the Joker, Harleen fell in love with him, broke him out of the Asylum and became his chief accomplice and sidekick. Harley’s infatuation with the Joker seemed largely one sided. While the Joker enjoyed her company, he wouldn’t hesitate to betray or attack Harley whenever she became expendable to her plans. While Harley would often break up with the Joker after his inevitable betrayals, eventually she’d return to his side for another crime spree. In the New 52, Harley seems to have finally broken away from the Joker after he showed an even more twisted and psychotic side in recent issues of Batman. Now the star of her own comics series, Harley seems to be flirting with a relationship with Poison Ivy. I guess Harley’s “type” is Batman supervillains.
The Atom and Jean Loring
Most of DC’s Silver Age relationships are about as stable and drama-free as you can possibly find in superhero comics. However, the Atom’s Silver Age wife, Jean Loring, turned into a real thorn in the side for the entire superhero community. Loring’s marriage to Ray Palmer ended after Loring had an affair as Palmer’s responsibilities as the Atom kept him away from home more and more often. For a while, it seemed like both parties moved on: the Atom had a fling with a microscopic princess and Loring married the attorney she had an affair with.
Then Identity Crisis happened. Loring decided she wanted Palmer back in her life and murdered family members of two superheroes to make it happen. Her reasoning was if someone started threatening superheroes’ loved ones, Ray would come running back to her. Crazily enough, it actually worked….until the Justice League figured out what had happened. After the Justice League imprisoned her in Arkham, she came into possession of Eclipso’s black diamond and became the supervillain’s latest host. As Eclipso, Loring seduced the host-less Spectre and sent him on a rampage through the world of magic before dying during a battle with Mary Marvel. Loring continued to haunt Ray even after she died. Reanimated by a Black Lantern Ring, Loring killed the superhero Damage and tried to murder Ray before he finished her off once and for all.
Daredevil and Karen Page
Daredevil’s entire life is one giant failed relationship, but no woman has destroyed his life quite like his ex-secretary Karen Page. Karen had a pretty stereotypical Silver Age relationship with Matt Murdock during her early appearances, mooning over the blind lawyer while totally unaware he was a superhero during his off hours. Then, her father became a supervillain and died fighting Daredevil, and Murdock revealed his secret identity to her out of guilt. Karen couldn’t stop worrying that Matt would get himself killed and eventually left him to pursue an acting career in California. While in California, Karen got into heroin and sold Matt’s secret to her drug dealer in exchange for a fix. Matt’s identity would make its way to Daredevil’s arch-nemesis Kingpin, leading to all sorts of horrific consequences. Karen eventually reunited with Matt and he helped her kick her drug habit, but the relationship ended when Matt had an affair with the supervillain Typhoid Mary. Matt and Karen had several more relationships, the last of which ended when Bullseye murdered her with a billy club meant for Daredevil’s head.
