HBO’s Tales from the Crypt is coming dangerously close to being entirely removed from the public’s consciousness, which is a huge shame. These days if you want to watch it you have to buy the DVDs. Hopefully the rights issues can be worked out in time because it is a must-watch for any horror fan. When it comes to anthology horror series this is as much in the gold standard category as The Twilight Zone. Now, Tales from the Crypt isn’t solely a horror show, as it also branches into comedy and even has the occasional toe dip in sci-fi land. But, for the most part, it’s horror 101, and the following three episodes prove as much…decades after the show was on the air in HBO’s pre-The Sopranos days.
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If the episode leaned into comedy, that didn’t necessarily exclude them from inclusion here. However, when it comes to the show’s scariest episodes, the humor was put on a backburner if it was there at all. Just missing the cut were Season 1’s “Collection Completed,” Season 2’s “The Ventriloquist’s Dummy,” Season 3’s “Top Billing,” and Season 5’s “Forever Ambergris.”
3) “And All Through the House” (Season 1, Episode 2)
One of the best episodes of Crypt was also just about its earliest. “And All Through the House” was the series’ second episode and it is infinitely grimmer than the other episode that premiered: “The Man Who Was Death.”
From front to back, this thing is tense. First we get some foreshadowing by having a mom confront her daughter, who is nervous about Santa Claus. Then she goes down and slams an axe in her husband’s head. Then, as she’s trying to cover (and bury) all evidence of her crime, an escaped patient of an institution, dressed as Santa Claus, attacks her with the axe. She can’t call the police, because her crime isn’t fully covered up, but her chances of surviving her attacker necessitates their intervention. All of this is capped off with a chef’s kiss of a final scene that stays with you and confirms that all bets were and remain off.
2) “The New Arrival” (Season 4, Episode 7)
In “The New Arrival,” Tron and The Omen‘s David Warner is sublimely cast as arrogant radio psychologist Dr. Alan Goetz. He believes he can improve the behavior of any child, and that is soon put to the test. Dr. Goetz learns that his show is on the verge of getting the axe, so it’s time for a Hail Mary. When he gets a phone call from Nora, a woman who claims her daughter, Felicity, has long had behavioral issues, he sees an opportunity to make a broadcasted house call.
Nora is played by Poltergeist‘s Zelda Rubinstein, who was known for her high-pitched voice and short stature. The episode plays with this by having Dr. Goetz and his crew come to believe that there is no Felicity, it’s just Nora pretending to be a child, running around upstairs and screaming all throughout her cobweb-coated home. But they couldn’t be any more wrong. Felicity is very much real, but to call her a little girl would be a stretch.
1) “Television Terror” (Season 2, Episode 16)
Without a doubt the most frightening episode of Crypt, “Television Terror” is a masterclass in the build-up. It was also a genuine stroke of genius casting Morton Downey Jr., Jerry Springer’s predecessor as the father of trash TV, as lead character Horton Rivers.
We’re not supposed to like Horton Rivers. And we don’t, right up until the end. He’s loud-mouthed, his program is garbage, he treats his coworkers like meat bags, and he doesn’t believe a word of what he’s telling his audience to believe. He’s an obnoxious phony. Yet, when he enters a supposedly haunted house, we want him to get out as soon as possible. But the only thing he values is getting footage, so he goes further and further in. And, because we understand why he’s staying in the house, the tension of the escalating ghostly presence is fully believable. Without revealing the ending, this is an episode that never pulls its punches, and its 23 minutes go by like a finger snap.
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