Billie Lourd Says Ryan Murphy Saved Her Life With ‘American Horror Story’

Billie Lourd’s Mallory may be the last hope at saving the world from the Antichrist on American Horror Story: Apocalypse, but the actress says that it’s showrunner Ryan Murphy that saved hers.

In a recent interview with ET, Lourd opened up about how joining FX’s horror anthology series during the Cult season helped her following the traumatic loss of her mother Carrie Fisher, who died suddenly following a heart attack in December 2016.

“When Ryan offered me Cult, it was just a few months after my mom passed, and it honestly helped me process all of my emotions through these characters,” Lourd said. “Being able to cry for Winter helped me cry for myself. And it’s been really healing and cathartic in an amazing way and getting to be around all the incredible people on set, they’ve become like a family to me, and I cannot thank Ryan enough. Honestly, it kind of saved my life.”

However, just because the crying is cathartic doesn’t mean it’s easy.

“It is heavy,” Lourd said. “We spend like, 14 hours a day crying, and sometimes I go home, and I will cry in my car for no reason, because it’s like peeing. Once you break the seal, you can’t stop.”

For Apocalypse, Lourd has had more than just the emotional weight of tears to deal with. When fans first meet Mallory, she’s the underappreciated and poorly treated assistant of a wealthy Coco (Leslie Grossman), but it’s soon revealed that she’s actually one of the Coven witches — and the next Supreme at that. With her powers being so much greater than anything seen before, Mallory is in the unique position to potentially undo the apocalypse. It’s a character unlike anything Lourd has done before.

“It’s exhausting sometimes, because she feels everyone’s feelings like they’re her own,” Lourd says. “Mallory is very different from any character I’ve ever played, because [Scream Queens‘] Chanel #3 was super deadpan, super intense, kind of a b-tch, and [Cult‘s] Winter, kind of the same thing, really hardcore.”

Despite the challenges, though, Lourd went on to say that she’s open to continuing with the series — something fans are hoping includes a continuation of the Apocalypse story.

“I love doing this show,” she said. “It is so much fun and so challenging and has taught me so much. I would do as many seasons as they would offer me. I mean, obviously I would like to do, like, a sweet romantic comedy on the side, too, but like, this is my jam. I love this show so much. And I would do anything Ryan asked me to do. I trust him with all of my heart.”

American Horror Story: Apocalypse airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET on FX. The season finale, “Apocalypse Then”, airs tonight.