As Fox’s latest Fantastic Four attempt reminded us, Comic Book movies are still capable of delivering a dud. While Marvel Studios may have accustomed audiences to a higher level ofcomic book cinema, it’s worth remembering that not everyone has their formula—which produces mediocrity at worst—down pat. In fact, there was a time not too long ago when disappointment was practically the norm for comic book movies. As Fantastic Four conjures memories of a time that’s thankfully passed, we run through five of the worst comic book movies to plague the big screen.
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Spider-Man 3
Sam Raimi’s third Spider-Man film may not insult our base intelligence like the other entries on this, but it easily breaks our hearts the most. Following the slam-dunk success of Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, it seemed like things could only go up for Raimi and his crew. Instead, Raimi’s first two classics were succeeded by ret-cons (Sand-Man killed Uncle Ben?), ill-advised father figures (where did Harry Osborne’s creepy butler come from?) and the dance scene mocked around the world (‘Nuff said). Add in way too many villains and the most awkward closing scene in superhero history, and Spider-Man’s third feature film felt more like a feature failure. If upcoming Spider-Man reboot director Jon Watts needs a template on how not to do a Spider-Man film, this is one to follow.
Catwoman
You know everything you love about Catwoman, like Selina Kyle, her thieving abilities, and on-and-off flirtation with Batman? Sorry, but you get none of that in this movie. For reasons unknown, Warner Bros. completely upended the cornerstones to one of DC’s most popular characters, and twisted it into something unrecognizable. In one of the many questionable choices, Catwoman turned Selina Kyle into Patience Phillips, a mousy graphic designer who gains Cat-like superpowers. Ok. Surely then, she’d use those powers for some cool high-stakes heists, like in the comics? Nope. Instead, she just fought an evil Sharon Stone, who was jacked up power-granting…cosmetics. But hey, least the costume was faithful, right? Oh, wait…
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
And you thought X-Men: The Last Stand was bad. A pitiful attempt to showcase Wolverine’s normally-compelling backstory, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is one piece of X-Men history best left unexplored. While Hugh Jackman did his best as the feral mutant, it wasn’t nearly enough to save the film from cheesy cheesy, gratuitous X-Universe cameos, and a total misunderstanding of the animal kingdom (wolves, in fact, are not wolverines). But the film’s real crime was its complete mistreatment of Deadpool. Gone was the mouthy Wade Wilson, and his place stood a bastardized amalgamation of mutant powers. With a sewn-shut mouth. The move was so horrendous, that the upcoming Deadpool even made fun of it. So really, this is just the most expensive punchline in Fox’s film history.
Steel
Oof. Do we have to claim this as a comic book movie? We don’t want ownership of it. In Steel, one of DC Comics’ most respected characters was essentially reduced to a vehicle for Shaquille O’Neal’s (thankfully) brief flirtation with Hollywood blockbusters. Shaq’s performance was more robotic than the steel suit he inhabited, making for one of the most cringe-inducing performances in comic book movie history (which has seen Nicolas Cage. Twice.). And instead of exploring the actual mythology of, you know, the title character, Steel concerned itself more with fourth-wall bending jokes about Shaq’s inability to shoot free-throws in the NBA. In fact, the movie climaxes with Steel making a free throw (with a grenade) to save the day. Let’s just call this an NBA movie and wash our hands of it.
Batman And Robin
This movie stunk on ice. Yes, ice-puns as bad as that one were just the tip of the ice-burg (sorry) of the Joel Schumacher’s schlock-fest that was Batman and Robin. Rife with ham-fisted dialogue, egregious set pieces that would give Adam West pause, and bat-nipples that are still the butt of several Hollywood jokes, Batman and Robin will forever be remembered as the movie to kill Batman’s first film franchise. Schumacher has even apologized for the movie’s abysmal quality in recent years, claiming that Warner Bros. essentially forced him to make one giant toy commercial. Thank goodness for Chris Nolan, eh?
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What do you think are the worst comic book movies ever? Let us know in the comments!
