10 Reasons You Do Not Want to Vacation in the Savage Lands

The Earth-616 Travel Guide, published by the Excursionary Committee of the Galactic Council, recommends many luxurious and interesting destinations on the human homeworld, including resort locales in Madripoor, royal tours of Wakanda, and the serenity of Muir Island. Among their extensive Travel Advisories are the Kingdom of Latveria, Hell’s Kitchen in New York City, and the Savage Land at the South Pole. A prehistoric world that time forgot, the Savage Land earns the E-616 Travel Guide’s designation as the most dangerous place on Earth, citing megafauna, mutants, and malaria as the greatest threat to globetrotters, backpackers, and daytrippers from across the galaxy looking for a cheap thrill in uncharted territory. 

Hidden behind a vaporous wall of mists in Antarctica and shrouded under unnavigable cloud cover, the Savage Land is a realm out of time where vegetation and animal life which ceased to exist on Earth ages ago thrives in a veiled environmental oasis in the frozen south. Dinosaurs best known from images of the Mesozoic Era forage and hunt the jungles, rivers, and flatlands of the Savage Land, nurtured by a tropical climate created by volcanic activity from the surrounding mountains. Anthropomorphic lizards and winged humanoids contend with other native populations for limited resources and territory, while depraved cults, Vibranium prospectors, and criminal organizations, both earthbound and extraterrestrial, establish bivouacs and stations in secrecy, operating without fear of reprisal from the outside world. The Savage Land is a terrarium of dangers in the most inhospitable place on Earth.

Below are the the Earth-616 Travel Guide’s top ten reasons from why you should never vacation in the Savage Land. 

10) Megafauna and Wandering Monsters

The Savage Land is rife with dangerous predators and inconceivable horrors prowling its rainforests, subterranean caverns, and diverse landscapes. Great Apes haunt ruined temples, giant sloths comb the forests for stores, and starving wolf packs roam the wilds, themselves prey to the giant carnivorous birds ranging from the highlands to the plains. Herds of Woolly Mammoth and their estranged kin, the Woolly Rhino wander the mountainsides, patiently pursued by tenacious saber-toothed cats. If you do travel the wilds of the Savage Land, never leave the path. There are monsters everywhere.

9) Difficult Terrain

An entire ecosystem is contained within the barrier peaks of the Savage Land, with arctic summits, sultry rainforests, and perilous wastelands crowded within its walls. The Valley of Geysers, an unsettled land of gaseous eruptions and violent elemental activity is to be avoided at all costs, as is the Blight Plains, a desert of decay, carrion, and parasites, where everything in the Savage Lands goes to die. Hard pass. The captivating but deadly torrents of Thunder Falls spilling out of the Mountains of Darkness have claimed many an unwary kayaker and the deep waters of Lost Lake and its tributaries are home to tremendous serpents, electric eels, and other unsavory creatures. On the western shore of Lost Lake is Skull Island, a forbidden abode fiercely guarded by tribes of Mer-people and not a place to picnic. If you do travel by water in the Savage Land, never leave the boat.

8) The Weather

Depending on where you are in the Savage Lands, the weather can be delightful or deadly. The balmy tropical region which occupies much of the prehistoric refuge is subject to unpredictable and rapid temperature shifts including sudden blizzard conditions or dramatic hailstorms (dependent upon whatever supervillain or weather-witch has taken up residence at Skull Island). The sandblasted Blight Lands are swept by tempests and dust devils and the dank, humid Mist Lands are far too impenetrable to map let alone endure. If you must visit the Savage Land, be prepared—pack a raincoat, an insulated jacket, a pair of summer shorts, and a lot of sunblock.

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7) Dinosaurs

That’s right, dinosaurs—terrible lizards the size of houses. And they are ubiquitous in the Savage Land. Wander of the path and you might find yourself face to face with a desperate pachycephalosaurus protecting her eggs from predators. Great herbivores like the spiky triceratops, the gentle stegosaurus, and the colossal brontosaurus are a thrill to watch, but expect a terrifying stampede whenever these prehistoric creatures are spooked or flushed out by ferocious feathery raptors hunting in packs. Dimetrodons sunning their sails on the shorelines seems harmless enough but are in fact voracious carnivores and they are always hungry. And if you come across Devil Dinosaur grappling with a toothy T-Rex, cut an expeditious retreat.

6) The Locals 

Needless to say, the locals don’t exactly roll out the welcome mat to visitors. Many of the various tribes and factions would rather see interlopers sacrificed to the Sun God or enthralled for their own oblique ends than hold court. The native population includes all number of anthropomorphic races such as the territorial Lizard-Men of the Vala-Kuri, nomadic Cat-People of Pandor, winged aerians in Aerie Shalan, the pterodactyl-like Pterons, and the amphibious Tubantithe. The human clans are represented by the Fall People, likely to be the only hospitable beings a traveler might encounter in the entirety of the Savage Land, the Chatorea or Snow-Men, the Botor, the Tree People, and Neanderthal-like Man-Ape Tribe and their leader Maa-Gor the Killer. Best to avoid the latter group, if you value your life.

5) Mutants Everywhere 

Mutants, homo sapient superior, are drawn to the Savage Lands like adamantium beckoned by Magneto’s irresistible will, themselves as uncanny as is the hidden realm of dinosaurs and winged-men. Deep in the jungles, Mister Sinister dissects unwilling subjects in dreadful experiments far from prying eyes and Sauron, the beguiling winged terror, wheels over the canopy seeking out victims to torment in pursuit of his abhorrent designs. Stay long enough in the Savage Lands and its apt to be conquered briefly by likes of Apocalypse and his Four Horsemen, and the X-Men will be sure to crash the party. Wear your “Mutant and Proud” pin if you want to blend in.

4) Rogue Elements

The Savage Land is far off the beaten path and its remoteness attracts an unsavory crowd from both the underworld and the corporate world. Beware of gunrunners smuggling weapons to arm the locals in their persistent skirmishes, Kraven the Hunter and other dangerous poachers culling the exotic wildlife for profit and prestige, or Roxxon agents scoping the place out from Vibranium deposits. Tread too far afield and you might stumble into secret AIM base, a reoccupied HYDRA outpost, or a sect of The Hand getting close to nature. Probably more than a few Skrulls too but that’s alway difficult to ascertain. The aforementioned groups actively discourage unwanted guests.

3) Outcasts 

Some of these folks are just passing through or making their way the only way they know how. However, most value their seclusion and have sought out the Savage Land for a siesta. So, if you see Stegron, the Dinosaur-Man with razor-sharp claws and a barbed tail traipsing through the jungle, or Man-Thing meditating in the swamps and bogs of the Mist Lands, best to leave them be. And, much more plausibly, if you encounter Logan, the Wolverine wandering the wastes with no memory of how he got there or who you are, please note that he will be very, very testy.

2) Bugs 

Its a jungle out there and you should expect a myriad of flying, clawing, and biting insects chittering in the grasses, blighting the air with their multitudes, and crawling up your leg. Expect bark beetles and wood ants in swarms devouring everything in their path and black flies draining creatures to husks in minutes. And then there are the giant spiders of the Moldwood, Spider Trees, taller than the jungle heights with blackthorns molting from their hideous forms. These horrors spew massive web lines and weave colossal webs to ensnare their defenseless targets. There are no itsy-bitsy spiders in the Savage Land.

1) Accommodations

There are none. Try building anything absent a treehouse without a herds of triceratops stampeding through every time a volcano erupts or a Celestial arrives. And you can forget about cell service. Really, there’s just no good place to stay here so don’t even try. Go anywhere else. Trust us; we’re experts and even we don’t want to be here.

Did you enjoy this list? Let us know your thoughts about the reasons to NOT visit the Savage Lands in the comments!