One of the most infamous figures in America has come to Dungeons & Dragons. If you’re a fan of bizarre news or the Internet, you’ve probably heard of the “Florida Man,” an amalgamation of all the weird crimes and news stories that seem to come out of Florida. From convenience store robberies gone hilariously wrong to alleged discoveries of face-eating vagrants under highway overpasses, it seems like a disproportionate percentage of weird news stories starts with the words “Florida Man…,” which lead to the creation of the semi-mythical and eponymous Florida Man. After all, it’s fun to imagine that there’s just one weird guy in Florida terrorizing Wal-Mart parking lots on horseback and then running over their mother-in-law with a Segway at a wedding, rather than….well, multiple people doing all of that.
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Now, some illustrious Internet citizen created a Dungeons & Dragons monster block to celebrate the Florida Man meme. Earlier this month, @WorryWrite posted a hilarious Florida Man monster statblock that re-imagines the meme as a unique threat to a D&D party. The Florida Man is presented as an agent of chaos, with the ability to spontaneously toss either unsecured objects or creatures at opponents. If there’s not an unsecured object nearby, the Florida Man can then pull out a small alligator from its biomass and toss it at enemies instead. The Florida Man also has a unique defense against magic, as he triggers Wild Magic feedback whenever targeted by a spell. Players will need to be careful when trying to use magic to subdue a Florida Man, as he can literally blow up your spells in your face, or turn players into chickens.
The Florida Man is a goofy challenge for low level players, an appearance shifting being of madness that dissolves into alligators when defeated. If you want a good laugh, bring the Florida Man into your next D&D session and watch your players either laugh at his theatrics or run in terror knowing what sort of destruction he’s capable of.
