Deadpool Teaches You How to Carve a Turkey and More Inside ‘Good Housekeeping’ Spread

Deadpool made quite a splash today, and it will undoubtedly get the hype machine started for the anticipated sequel.

The brutal but lovable Marvel mercenary graced the cover of Good Housekeeping, an issue that got in the hands of fans via several street teams passing them out in various cities. Now ComicBook.com has an up-close look at the issue, which features plenty of amazing Deadpool holiday festivities.

It turns out Wade Wilson loves himself some holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. As such he decided to give out some helpful tips on how to prepare for a holiday gathering, as well as some tried and true recipes that you should probably try on yourself first before serving to other guests. Not mandatory by any means but no one wants vomiting at their Christmas party, so better safe than sorry.

He also walks you through his love of Good Housekeeping, and it turns out he’s quite a fan. Better yet, he even decided to debut the first official poster for the sequel, and it will assuredly warm your heart… or at least make you hungry.

Before we get started, let’s hear from the man himself, who wants to make sure you appreciate the holidays:

“Whether your yuletide memories are of gorging on nuts and creamy clams (see my holiday recipes), getting your tongue stuck to a flagpole, or simply watching Papa Pool carve some perfectly plump pultry in order to give everything th ebird, there is no denying that the holidays are the most wonderful time of year. So sit back, grab a mug of cocoa and cozy up in your favorite chair – it’s time for this naughty little stocking stuffer to unleash his holiday cheer.”

Hard to disagree with logic like that, so hit the next slide to check out Deadpool’s hilarious opening Christmas salvo!

Deadpool’s Holiday Letter

Deadpool kicks things off with a few words about the holiday season, words he is happy to share with the fine fans of Good Housekeeping:

“When Good Housekeeping called and asked me to be a contributor to their holiday issue, I was completely shocked and flattered. I’m a HUUUUGE fan. It’s always been a dram of mine to visit the Good Housekeeping Mansion and bathe in their infamous grotto. But unlike most men, I read Good Housekeeping for the articles.”

Good Housekeeping shares Wade’s love of the holiday season, though they have a rather different way of showing it:

“In case you weren’t aware, I %$#*ing LOVE the holidays, and not in the “like a friend” way either….I love the holidays the same way I love stuffing a turkey…using the two most important ingredients of all: heavy eye contact and lust.”

Way to make it weird Wade…

You can read the full letter to the fans in the image above.

Hit the next slide to find out how Wade slices a turkey.

How to Carve a Turkey

Deadpool didn’t want to leave the Thanksgiving hosts stranded, so he’s got six simple steps you’ll need to carve that delicious turkey.

Now, some of these might be unorthodox, especially when it comes to meal prep. Wade likes to have his turkey well rested, though it is odd that he named the turkey Mr. Waddle if he’s just going to carve him up. Oh well.

You’ll also need a katana to do the slicing, though if you have to settle for a kitchen knife that will get the job done (amateurs). When you start cutting you’ll want to make sure to go for the leg joints first, just in case the turkey becomes undead and tries to attack you.

That Wade Wilson, always prepared.

After it resembles “‘middle-of-the-movie’ Lieutenant Dan”, it is time to clip the wings, which will lead you eventually to the main breast of the meat. The steps might seem involved, but you’ll want to do it to have a bite of that “crispy George Hamilton-colored skin.”

You can view the entire process in the image above.

Deadpool’s Recipes

The holidays wouldn’t be the same without some themed snacks, and luckily Deadpool has two recipes that your family and friends will love… hopefully.

The first is D’s Spiced Nuts, which Wilson describes as “a hearty and healthy holiday snack that’s so tantalizing you might just gobble up a whole sack of them by yourself.” The recipe calls for egg whites, kosher salt, pure maple syrup, unsalted butter, ground cinnamon, black pepper, and raw pecan halves, and requires whisking until the egg white mixture is “as frothy and light as Sophia Petrillo with a poodle perm.”

The second concoction is Deadpool’s Creamy Clam Skinny Dip, which Wade teases includes a “tangy smooth taste of creamy clam dip that will leave your guests begging for more.”

The clam dip features light cream cheese, a can of minced clams, green onions, lemon, and Worcestershire sauce. During the process, you’ll need to mix everything with a fork while saying Michael Fassbender three times (a very crucial step). After it’s all done, you’ll need to serve with some pretzel rods and a hearty chip, and you can find the whole process in the image above.

‘Good Housekeeping’ Cover

Wade Wilson kicked off his appearance in Good Housekeeping by taking over the cover, and you can tell the mercenary loves the holidays.

Wade can be seen wearing a Christmas apron, complete with Christmas tree and even a bit of mistletoe. He’s holding a full turkey with Santa Claus-style mitts, right next to the tagline “How to be a holiday supper hero”.

It truly becomes a Deadpool project however when you get to the taglines. Stories like “You’ll go crazy for D’s nuts”, “Turkey Tips – giving your family the bird”, and “Come for the gifts stay for the package” are all over the cover, with the headline reading “Deadpool stuffs our holiday issue”.

If that doesn’t scream Deadpool, we don’t know what does.

You can view the full cover above.

Poster

In addition to taking the cover, Deadpool also debuted the first official poster form his anticipated sequel inside the issue. Like the cover, it shows just how much Deadpool loves the holidays.

The cover showcases Wade Wilson serving his uncarved turkey to the rest of the film’s zany characters, including Domino, Vanessa, and Weasel. You can even spot a certain Marvel icon in the background, which means he is now even doing cameos in images of movies and not just the movies themselves.

You can view the full poster above.