The Sims 4 Patch Notes Are Here, And They Are Hilarious

The Sims 4 is an incredibly popular simulation game that lets many of us have that slice of an unrealistic life – you know, a stable one. That, or you can just go around setting everything on fire like I do … player’s choice. But it’s the New Year and a new opportunity to make some well-meaning adjustments to already released games, and The Sims is no different. What is different, however, is how they share their little nuggets of wisdom.

For your humour, Sims team, we thank you. Because the material itself is pure gold – without further adieu, here are the patch notes for 2018:

“I always feel a little wrung out after a long holiday break. Like I was just hanging around, tossed on the pile of things left undone, and I need a vacation from my vacation, just to freshen up, clean the lint from my eyes. Maybe put a little spin in my step, to help keep me from tumbling about. But let’s not sort through these feelings now. Just fold those up for another time. We have a new pack around the corner, and among the things on our laundry list…

…we cleaned up some stuff!”

General Issues

• The Computer Hard Drive career reward will now give a focused décor buff when enabling its emotional aura.
• The Pile of Discarded Food that results when a toddler throws their food on the ground after eating will no longer be called “Debug”, but instead will be called a “Pile of Discarded Food” when selected in Build Mode.
• The Tell Funny Story to Toddler whim is now successfully fulfillable.
  • They get it now.
• You will now be given enough time to take care of your neglected baby after the warning “you neglected your baby” notification appears.
• Earbuds and Holiday Crackers are no longer available to purchase from a computer while the power is out.
• We fixed the coloring of the yfHair_EF06PonytailStraightBangs_DirtyBlonde asset to match other dirty blonde hairs.

What do you call a solar powered clothes dryer? A clothesline.

Get to Work

• Sims will no longer receive an uncomfortable buff from sleeping on The Solitary Sleeper bed.

Cool Kitchen Stuff

• Picking Up a Serving from a bowl of ice cream should no longer cause the ice cream to appear and behave as the Amarena Gelato flavor, but instead as the flavor intended by the bowls contents.

Movie Hangout Stuff

• Sims with the Fresh Chef trait can now make popcorn that will never spoil!
  • I’d fill my whole house with popcorn… never spoils popcorn everywhere… just everywhere. With that kind of real genius, I wouldn’t want to rule the world… no fears, no tears… just popcorn.

Romantic Garden Stuff

• Sims can now nap on the Fountain of Gluteus Maximus.
  • I tend to nap on my gluteus maximus already.

What do you call a solar powered washer? If you said your mom, shame on you!

Backyard Stuff

• Sims instructed to slide on a slippy slide should no longer quit unexpectedly after a single slide.

Vintage Glamour Stuff

• Food prepared by butlers can now be live dragged into inventories.

Bowling Night Stuff

• We have updated various build object tooltips to properly indicate their quality, comfort, and skill modification levels.

Fitness Stuff

• Sims should no longer get in and out of bed continuously when they attempt to sleep while wearing the earbuds.
  • What’s that? Honey, did you hear that? Someone is outside singing… it sounds like In Your Eyes… no, probably not… let me get back to… I’ll just sleep… wait, was that Iggy?
• Lullabies Radio, Easy Listening, and Jazz stations are available to turn on when using earbuds.