Avengers Superlatives

It is hard enough living in the same house with your family members or friends, so imagine if you had to bunk with a raging behemoth like the Hulk or someone who can manipulate reality like Scarlet Witch. It would indeed put Big Brother to shame.

If you had to sum each member of the iconic team up in one phrase, a few things probably jump to mind. Heroes, power, awe-inspiring, and iconic are most likely included, but what if the descriptions were a bit more focused on the real world, the world occupied by those who can’t lift cars or throw mythical hammers.

It’s time for Avengers superlatives!

Captain America

Captain America is most likely to remember your birthday

Cap is loyal to a fault unless you happen to trounce on personal freedoms that is, but that is beside the point. In any case, he’s the Avenger who has your birthday marked on his google calendar, his iPhone calendar, and his “I love the 1940’s” calendar. You’ll always get a telegram on your big day because that’s just who Cap is.

 

Iron Man

Iron Man Is least likely to shop at Walmart.

Here’s the thing. If you had a high-tech suit of armor and could pretty much make anything you could ever want, would you ever step foot into a Walmart? The answer is no mind you, in case you were stuck. Stark just isn’t in need of 99 cent tumblers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle piggy banks, though he does love those individual pecan pies.

 

Thor

Thor is most likely to do a men’s shampoo commercial.

Troy Polamalu isn’t the only athlete who wants in on the hair and shampoo advertising game, and really, who’s going to say no to someone who can quite literally rain down thunder upon the building.

The slogan could be “Allows your hair to “bring the thunder”. Yes, you can groan now, it’s okay.

 

Falcon

Falcon is most likely to hit on Black Widow.

This one is even based on fact, as he was pretty star struck by the lethal Russian spy when he first met her in Captain America: Winter Solider. Even besides that fact, Falcon is a pretty confident guy, and he would hit on Scarlet Witch as well but no one wants to get on the Vision’s bad side.

 

Black Widow

Black Widow is most likely to break into your house to get her poker winnings back.

When you’re a covert spy for a living, you are probably prone to getting bored with the ordinary trappings of everyday life. That means you have to spice it up, and ongoing poker games are an excellent way to interject some risk. Unfortunately, Widow is also not used to losing, and if Hawkeye happens to win the pot that night, you can bet that Natasha isn’t going to let him keep it. Of course, being a spy and all, he might not even notice it’s gone.

 

Hawkeye

Hawkeye is most likely to have a secret family nobody knows about.

Yeah, Avengers: Age of Ultron revealed that good ole Clint Barton was keeping a pretty big secret from the rest of the team. He’s had an extensive career in ops work, so it figures he would be keeping some things close to the vest, but having an entire family that no one knew about? That’s a bit extreme, even for the superhero community.

 

Hulk

Hulk is most likely to unexpectedly stay calm in a traffic jam.

Bruce Banner is always attempting to keep his Hulk persona at bay, and you never know when he’ll snap and transform into the raging green goliath. You’d think that road rage would be a big problem, but you would be wrong. Since Banner knows what to prepare for, he’s got an endless audible playlist built for just that occasion. Also, he just loves irony.

 

Vision

Vision is least likely to use the door.

The Vision has a myriad of abilities at his disposal, so many that at times it’s easy to forget what he can do. One of those abilities is to phase through solid objects, and as seen in Captain America: Civil War, he is prone to just walk into a room from time to time.

It makes holding a surprise birthday party for him just about impossible, but he makes up for it by turning his mind stone into a flickering disco light, so all is forgiven.

 

Scarlet Witch

Scarlet Witch is most likely to charm her boyfriend’s mother.

Meeting your significant other’s folks for the first time is a daunting encounter, even for the most confident of individuals. That is unless Scarlet Witch is the one you’re dating. Scarlet Witch has the ability to alter reality with her Hex-based abilities, and that means your parental jitters are no more! A little hex here, a hex there, and you’re all set for a smooth ride.

The breakup, however, well, that’s going to be something different altogether now isn’t it?

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