7 Heroes That You Would Not Invite To Your Barbecue

Labor Day presents a wonderful opportunity for people to get together with friends and family for a few drinks, some delightful conversation, and of course some top-notch barbecue.

The same goes for the superhero community, who never pass up a chance to celebrate their past accomplishments with fellow heroes. Just like us, though, the superhero community has a few members who’s invites seem to constantly get lost in the mail, or at least, that’s what they keep telling them.

Regardless of what universe you happen to reside in, you will be better off by distancing your barbecue from these 7 heroes if at all possible. If you do invite them, don’t say we didn’t warn you, and also make sure your insurance policy can take the punishment.

Animal Man

You can not have a barbecue without a proper firing up of the grill, but if you plan on doing so, maybe leave Bernhard Baker off the invite list.

Baker is more commonly known as Animal Man, or Buddy for short, and the nature of his abilities make him a less than desirable candidate for a celebration involving standbys like hot dogs, ribs, and hamburgers. Buddy is a well-known vegetarian, and once you think about why for a second, it makes complete sense.

Buddy speaks to animals on a regular basis, and not only have they lent their perspectives and knowledge to him in the past, they’ve also lent their abilities and talents to him as needed. He has a rather tight bond with the animal kingdom, so it might be odd for him to partake in a feast that comes from an animal he possibly once spoke to.

Deadpool

Good old Wade Wilson, who will never pass on an opportunity to mingle with other superheroes, if only so he can piggyback on their wi-fi.

You might think Deadpool a great guest for a barbecue, but there are a few things you have to be aware of when inviting Wilson to your local soiree.

No.1, he gets Cheetos dust on everything, so don’t expect those white table linens to stay that way for long. No. 2, if someone challenges him to a dare (looking at you Bobby Drake), he won’t allow himself to say no, and it typically involves him cutting or breaking one of his limbs. It will eventually grow back anyway, so why not.

Still, if your family happens to be attending, you don’t want Aunt Lucille to walk in on Wade using his cut off left foot as a puppet. No one is going to want to touch the kebabs after a sight like that.

Matter-Eater Lad

 

The Legion of Superheroes have managed to attract some oddballs throughout their lifespan, and one such oddball is Matter-Eater Lad.

Tenzil Kem has a unique ability to consume pretty much anything, even if it is touted by most as indestructible. That can lead to problems if Grandpa Moon’s “famous potato salad” isn’t cutting it, leading him to wander off to look for new challenges for his digestive system to conquer.

Don’t be surprised if he bypasses the deviled eggs and goes right for that 1989 Oldsmobile that was sitting in your driveway.

You weren’t planning on driving that anyway, right?

Tony Chu

Food is actually detective Tony Chu’s most important ally, it’s just unfortunate that he doesn’t really get the opportunity to grab his nightly dining at the local Whole Foods.

Chu has the gift of psychic impressions, which aids him on a daily basis in solving crimes. The problem is that he only gets them from eating something relevant to the crime, which means if there’s a dead body on the ground…yeah, you guessed it, he has to eat it for his powers to work.

That makes the small talk 101 question of “so what do you do?” quite loaded. It also means if someone happens to need help in solving a mystery, giving a helping hand will take on quite a different meaning.

Infectious Lass

It’s bad enough when your friend decides to not warn you that he or she has been fighting a cold and decides to bring all their delightful sickly germs to your event.

It’s even worse when said person doesn’t just spread the common cold, but every disease known to man. Combine that with a lack of any sort of control over those destructive abilities, and you have Drura Sehpt, or as she is more commonly referred to, Infectious Lass.

Infectious Lass attempted to become part of the Legion of Super-Heroes but didn’t make the cut, and it’s easy to understand why. Her powers are impressive if they can be controlled, but if they can’t it’s like giving a petri dish legs and asking it to touch everything in sight.

Not all the Purell in the world will save your barbecue from that.

Maggot

For any sort of festive gathering, you’re going to want a headcount. You do acquiesce that there will be some plus one’s showing up but overall you should have some relative idea as to how many you’re looking to feed.

If Maggot shows up, you can throw all that planning out the window.

Why you ask? Well, see, Maggot’s mutant ability comes in the form of two slugs named Eany and Meany. These little guys can chew through and digest anything they come across, so those 50 burgers you assumed would feed the party and then some are pretty much gone after 10 minutes.

And he wonders why no one invites him to stuff.

Zeitgeist

With today’s hectic schedules, oftentimes the chance to get together with friends and loved ones only comes along a few times a year.

When those moments do present themselves, odds are a few guests will have one too many sips of wine or a few too many beers. If that’s the case, there is one person in particular that you must keep away from the cooler at all costs, and that is the X-Statix hero Zeitgeist.

Zeitgeist, real name Axel Cluney, is a truly nice guy with a very distinctive power. He has the ability to basically projectile vomit at will, which would be interesting enough, but it gets worse. The substance he’s throwing up is essentially acid, so if he gets drunk and doesn’t handle it well, you could lose your entire back yard or a significant part of your garage to his unfortunate bender.