7 Perfectly Brutal Bender Quotes Futurama Fans Will Never Forget

Since 1999, Futurama’s most beloved character has been a narcissistic egomaniac with a complete disregard for human decency. Bender Bending Rodríguez is a core member of the Planet Express crew, and hands down the show’s funniest character. The robot who drinks, steals, gambles, smokes, and only occasionally helps his friends when there’s something in it for him also happens to deliver at least one hilarious insult per episode. 

Many of Bender’s best quotes have crossed over into legendary territory, with his gleefully immoral and too-often relatable outbursts of nastiness transcending the show itself. Fans know a perfectly timed Bender line will have you doubled over in laughter, and an honest few have even admitted to having to pause the episode until the giggle fit subsides. Absolutely savage, and still quoted by fans today, these are Bender’s seven best one-liners.

7) “I’d say don’t quit your day job, but you’re awful at that too.”

In Season 3’s “A Pharaoh to Remember,” Bender becomes a pharaoh of Osiris IV and demands a lavish funeral celebration while he’s still alive. Poor Zoidberg attempts to sing a heartfelt version of “Danny Boy” in his honor, but Bender immediately cuts him off with, “You’re at MY funeral, singing about some stiff named Danny Boy?” When Zoidberg claims he’s just expressing his sorrow, Bender deals the final devastating takedown: “Get lost! I’d say don’t quit your day job, but you’re awful at that too.” The funeral alone has enough great Bender insults to fill an entire list, and the episode itself is a tribute to Bender’s massive ego.

6) “Honey, I wouldn’t talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.”

In the Season 1 episode “My Three Suns,” Bender decides to take over the role of the ship’s cook. Leela immediately calls him out, pointing out the obvious flaw in his plan: that as a robot, Bender literally lacks a sense of taste. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see the savagery headed her way when Bender claps back, “Honey, I wouldn’t talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.” Fry’s “Bam!” only adds insult to injury. Notably, this is the first time we see Bender’s passion for cooking, which becomes a recurring trait throughout the series, despite his complete lack of taste buds.

5) “Do a flip!”

This moment has become so iconic that it’s spawned countless memes about Bender’s lack of empathy. In “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back,” Hermes becomes so overwhelmed by bureaucratic stress that he steps onto a ledge and contemplates suicide. When he screams, “I’m going to jump!”, the entire Planet Express crew panics, issuing horrified gasps and protests. All except Bender, who shouts, “Do a flip!” Pretty savage, even by Bender B. Rodríguez standards.

4) “Oh wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder.”

In another Season 4 favorite, “Love and Rocket,” the Planet Express ship becomes a self-aware seductress after a software update and starts dating Bender, eventually spiraling into obsessive, insane behavior. At one point in the episode, Leela confronts Bender, asking him whether he feels guilty about taking advantage of his girlfriend’s trust. Bender laughs in her face for a moment before realizing she’s serious… then doubles down on the cruelty. The episode takes place on Valentine’s Day and escalates into the ship threatening to destroy itself and everyone aboard in a supernova after Bender breaks her heart.

3) “I’m so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.”

As Bender watches elite bending robots perform Olympic-level feats early into the episode “Bend Her,” he becomes suddenly overwhelmed with self-hatred. Realizing he can’t win a medal at the one thing he was literally built to do (bending), his ego collapses in on itself. “I’m so embarrassed,” he laments. “I wish everybody else was dead.” A severe overreaction that’s honestly a little bit relatable. This moment of vulnerability predictably leads Bender to disguise himself as a fembot named Coilette, and after winning five gold medals, the whole scheme spirals wildly out of control.

2) “Have you ever tried turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?”

During Season 6’s “Benderama,” the Professor attempts a simulated empathy lesson to help Bender understand human parenting. Before the episode devolves into a mess of tiny Bender clones, Bender attempts to navigate a hypothetical about raising kids. Sadly, his parenting strategy leaves much to be desired, especially after the line, “Have you ever tried turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?” One of the most unforgettable quotes in the entire show. Ultimately, the tiny Benders eventually threaten to consume all matter in the universe before the problem is solved in a classic Futurama hijinx.

1) “Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves!”

“A Head in the Polls” from Season 2, considered an all-timer by many fans, takes place during the 3004 Presidential election, in which Richard Nixon’s head discovers a loophole that allows him to run for President again if he gets a new body. So naturally, Bender sells his body to Nixon, leaving him reduced to a metal head and somehow more arrogant than ever. When he uses his winnings to gamble and comes out on top, he bounces down the sidewalk triumphantly, mouth stuffed with bills, and shouts: “Game’s over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves!” Classic Bender brutality, and we love him for it. 

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