It's been two years since John Cena and Nikki Bella suddenly called off their engagement one month before their wedding, and information about their relationship continues to make headlines. The former WWE Divas Champion released her new memoir, Incomparable, this week and went into detail about her relationship with the 16-time WWE Champion, breaking down all of the reasons why their relationship didn't work out in the end. Since their split Cena has moved on to a new relationship, while Bella is currently engaged to dancer Artem Chigvintsev and is pregnant with their first child.
"For the purpose of his privacy, I don't want to retread old events here — particularly the ones that got plenty of screen time and rehashing in the media. There is not much more to milk from that well-documented chain of events," Bella wrote. "But I do think there is value in explaining what I learned about myself during a time of extreme highs and lows, in the hopes that it helps some of you."
She went on to write about how the two "failed to align" on certain things, namely marriage and having kids.
"Rather than turn and face that, I pushed it under the carpet and figured I could pretend like it wasn't there. Because I was terrified of losing my love, I stuffed my desire for marriage and kids as deep as I could," she wrote. "He had made it clear that they weren't on the menu for him. That's tough, though, because if you're inclined that way, then the more you grow to love someone, the more you want it all. I stopped giving voice to those needs, though. I was worried my ex would call it off and let me go. And while I wanted those things very badly — I just wanted him more."
She also recapped a touching story when he stayed with her in the hospital after she had neck surgery.
"He looked like the Incredible Hulk, curled up into the fetal position. He wouldn't let anyone send him home. He helped me go to the bathroom, even though it made me want to die with embarrassment," she wrote. "I couldn't stand to feel so needy, even though it seemed to make him so happy to take care of me. I wish I had seen that experience for what it was: an opportunity for me to identify, and then talk about, how undeserving and unworthy I felt, how terrified it made me feel to be dependent. How uncomfortable it makes me feel when I'm not working for affection but instead just basking in love."