Did the 2017 version of Fastlane feel like a glorified RAW without the sweet relief of all those awful Chrisley Knows Best commercials? Yes, of course it did. All in all it was a fairly treacherous viewing for those of us who sat through all four hours of it.
But, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, you are still wrong about WWE Fastlane. Because while the pacing of all the matches felt like running backwards through a carton of New Day ice cream, the booking of Fastlane was absolutely perfect.
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I know the booking didn’t provide you with the same type of instant gratification that you’ve come to demand from every aspect of entertainment in your life, but I assure you that somewhere down the road (maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow) you will look back and see that each and every outcome from the final pay per view before WrestleMania was 100% “best for business.”
You don’t believe me, do you? You’re cursing my existence right now, aren’t you?
OK, fine. Click the slides and let me prove to you why you are wrong about Fastlane.
Bayley breaking Charlotte’s PPV streak
You complained about the RAW Womens Championship being tossed around like a hot potato and now you’re complaining about Bayley not losing it? Come on, seriously?
Look, Charlotte’s PPV streak was very cool, but as Charlotte has said herself, it came about by accident and they weren’t looking to turn her into the next Undertaker.
Having the streak broken and the championship retained thanks to Sasha’s interference is going to push the Sasha turning heel on Bayley storyline so much farther than if Sasha had just clumsily cost Bayley the match by trying to help her.
Now we have Bayley heading into ‘Mania as the champion, but has she proved anything to herself? Has she only become exactly what Stephanie McMahon told her she was? How a character with the moral standards of Bayley lives with knowing she didn’t beat Charlotte by herself will lead to a much more interesting storyline than if we were to have the typical underdog chasing the heel story we’re usually given.
The rumored fatal four way between Nia, Sasha, Charlotte and Bayley is now rich with layers. And what did Charlotte lose by losing the streak? She’s still hands down the top star in the women’s division.
But about that Roman Reigns defeating Braun Strowman clean …
Roman Reigns defeating Braun Strowman clean
Here’s a newsflash for you: WWE is pretty high on this Roman Reigns’ kid.
Yes, Strowman has finally lost his first match and I know we all wanted him to be undefeated forever, but to think for one second that losing to Reigns will have “buried” all Strowman’s momentum is just ridiculous.
If WWE didn’t have a big payoff match set for WrestleMania with Braun, which it looks like they do not, having him lose here to Roman is totally fine. Reigns will head into his match with the Undertaker truly looking like the baddest dude on the RAW roster who isn’t 50 years old. Strowman, on the other hand, will likely walk into the Andre the Giant battle royal and rip everyone’s head off. Win/win.
If Taker had interfered in the match as expected, t would have only made him look like a heel and made Reigns look like an idiot who is easily distracted by someone else’s theme music (cough cough Kevin Owens).
We’re Roman’s new shoes a questionable booking decision? I may give you that, but I’m up for any kind of booking decision that gets Roman looking more like his own character than someone who hasn’t let go of The Shield.
So, Sami Zayn got destroyed by Samoa Joe …
Samoa Joe destroying Sami Zayn
Look, Samoa Joe just wasn’t about to lose his first ppv match on the main roster. Does Sami “deserve better than this”? Yes and no. He’s possibly the only pure male babyface on the roster and everyone loves him. His time is going to come, but Sami is the classic underdog story. Just look at his time in NXT.
His entire championship program was built around him not being able to defeat Neville. Coming up short is what endears us to a character like Sami and it’s what will make his eventual rise to the top so gratifying.
About that 50 year old part-timer winning the Universal Championship in 22 seconds …
Goldberg winning the Universal Championship in 22 seconds
This match was exactly what it should have been, so calm down, internet. Many people are saying “Goldberg and Lesnar didn’t need the Universal Championship” and yes, while that is true, the Universal Championship needed them. We’re talking about a championship that has less than a year’s worth of history and would have, at best, been relegated to a mid-card WrestleMania match beneath Reigns/Taker, Bray/Randy and Goldberg/Lesnar.
This is a belt that needs elevation if it will ever be looked at on the same level as the WWE title. Now, with Goldberg holding it, the Universal Championship will be in the main spotlight as a belt two of the best in the history of the business are fighting for.
Not only does it elevate the Universal Championship, but Owens facing Jericho for the US Title will keep that belt elevated as well.
Owens loses nothing by getting “squashed” by Goldberg. He fell victim to every wrestlers’ kryptonite (another wrestler’s theme song) and the distraction allowed Goldberg to hit his KO punch for the win. It wasn’t as if Goldberg no-sold all of Owens’ offense and Hulk’d up on him for a ridiculous come from behind victory. He didn’t even kick out of a brass knuckle punch. Like a great UFC match, this just felt like Owens leaving his guard down and Goldberg seizing an opportunity.
If Owens had actually defeated Goldberg, would we want to see another Lesnar v Goldberg match? NO! The allure would have been gone.
For all those who swore they’d “never watch WWE again!” after Goldberg beat Lesnar at Survivor Series, I hope you can see that now Goldberg will be repaying Lesnar the favor by not only losing to The Beast but also handing him the Championship which will once again establish him once again as the top guy on RAW.
Lesnar will be the perfect champion and his part timer status will actually make him feel like a bigger deal than a guy who shows up and loses non-title matches every other week. Also, Lesnar having the red belt, and a win over Goldberg under that belt, will make him that much bigger of a mountain to climb for whatever babyface (Finn Balor/Shinsuke Nakaumra/Sami Zayn) is able to dethrone him.
Click the slide to continue …
So yes, most of all last night’s matches felt like they were paced the same and we may even have to watch most of them again tonight on RAW, but the biggest booking decisions were made to put us on the exact Road we need to be travelling to WrestleMania .
And if you’re still not convinced, just know that Goldberg is only going to be the Universal Champion for three weeks, which is only two weeks longer than David Arquette.
You’ll be fine.
And if that’s still not enough for you, just look at Chris Jericho’s shiny new jacket.
All better now? OK, great.
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MORE WWE: A Goldberg Championship Will Be The Last Of Its Kind / Twitter Reacts To Goldberg’s Championship / Bayley Ends Charlotte’s PPV Streak
